That dress
by edwin503
Summary: Ed watches Winry prepare for a date. He tries to sort out his feelings. Other characters make an appearance. Crack. Purposefully cheesy. Oneshot. Mangaverse.


A/N: I have NO idea what possessed me to write such a thing. xD Oh my god. SO OOC. But in a good way...? I'm sorry if my writing is amateur, I'm still starting this whole writing fanfiction thing! This is just pure crack. I think, anyway.

Characters belong to Hiromu Arakawa. Story/writing belong to be.

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><p>She was positively gorgeous.<p>

_Damn_, he thought as he watched her continue to brush her shimmering golden hair that was slowly falling into the just the right places on her body. Her body. Her curvaceous, lustful body. He could not stand just sitting in that old, uncomfortable chair while she was positioned invitingly just a few feet away from him.

Which brings us back to the general picture – Edward Elric was hiding in the corner of Winry's room (he had "accidentally" landed in her room after being chased by Den), and in the shadows, of course (sound familiar yet?), while Winry Rockbell, unaware of his presence, was getting ready for her first ever date night.

Ed snorted. Just who was this peacock of a bastard sickeningly charming enough to snatch Winry away, anyway? And what was wrong with Winry to blindly accept this invitation? He was gonna have to give that old charmer a nice long talking-to, alright. The old guy could be a creep or even, dare he mention it, a _pervert_, for Truth's sake. Ugh. He shook his head. There was absolutely no way that he would let Winry off on a whim of a date without even addressing who this suspicious date character was.

Winry carefully viewed herself in the mirror. Her hair was half-clipped up in a red bow with ribbons trailing along the back. She smiled in satisfaction. Placing the brush back on the dressing table, she proceeded to take out her newly-bought dress out of the closet. She slipped out of her white tank top and clipped off her bra. Thank goodness she was faced the opposite direction of Ed, otherwise his animal instincts would have been completely turned on. Still, it wasn't like he didn't have enough of an imagination to make him almost lose his willpower. His face reddened to a dark magenta color as she slowly turned a quarter of his view around to put on her dress. His eyes widening, he watched her hungrily as she squeezed herself into the tight-fitted dress.

The dress was a deep red color strapped with a thin ribbon around the back of her neck, showing a fair amount of her back. It showed only a modest amount of cleavage, thanks to Ed's persuasion. However, the bust and waist were tight enough to stretch out to fully display her curves. Worse than that, the skirt dangerously hiked up just above the middle of her thigh. Ed groaned inwardly. Just what in the name of Truth was he doing when he was picking out an outfit for her before? He must have been half sleeping or something because he had not realized how awfully _sexy_ that dress made her look. _Damn, girl._ It was enough to make any teenage boy with hormones crazy. Oh, the things he could _do_ to her.

He shifted uncomfortably in his chair, making the chair creak just loudly enough to raise Winry's suspicions. She quickly turned around in fear and noticed a shadow of a boy – a very _familiar_ looking boy – watching her from a distance. She narrowed her eyes.

"Ed…is that you?" Her voice was dangerous.

Ed gulped. He had been so sure that she would not find out that he was hiding in his room. It was not his fault that Den had so decided to chase him down in a game of tag. It was not his fault that he inconveniently landed in Winry's room – of all the rooms in the house – as a hiding place right before Winry's date.

Excuses, excuses.

Winry appeared to have felt the same, because she stalked closer and closer until she could get a full view of Ed. _Oh, no—!_ "YOU—LITTLE—!" Her eyes blazing and her face shaking in anger, she took out a large metal wrench – only Truth knows where from – and slammed it against his head.

"Ouch—Winry—!" It hurt quite a bit, that wrench did. It was metal, after all.

"I can't believe you were watching me, Ed! And this is the second freaking time!" she huffed. "I had my suspicions the first time, but now—! I know you're just a stupid, idiot pervert!" She hit him with a wrench again.

"Wait—! I didn't mean to! It was all Den's fault!" he said fearfully.

She snorted. Like she was going to believe that.

"Well, it was! We were playing a game, and…" His voice trailed off, and he knew that Winry would never believe him, as her eyes were narrowing down at him in the utmost disgust.

He tried to change the subject. "Well, what were you thinking – wearing _this _kind of dress, anyway?" Ed called out in justification, and immediately regretted it.

That was the last Winry could take. "ARGH! I can't BELIEVE YOU! You think you have the right to peek at me whenever you want? And worse than that, judge me for what I wear? Weren't you the one who approved of it in the first place?" She couldn't believe she had to say this to him. She felt hot tears of anger leaking out as she watched him in frustration.

Oh, _hell_ no. He made her cry _again_. "Wait—! I'm sorry, Winry! I just meant—I mean, I'm scared for your safety, okay? I just don't want you get hurt!"

"Well, it certainly looks like that's already been accomplished!" she hissed at him. Without waiting for a response, she flipped her hair at him, turned around and left the room, slamming the door behind her.

Ouch.

Damn, she told him _good_.

"AGH! Shut it!" he said out loud to nobody in particular. Cursing, he got up from the chair and slammed his fist against the wall. Why couldn't he be kind and gentlemanly, like Al? Why could he never learn to think before he acted? Why did he have to be a stupid, immature prat? _Why?_

Well, whatever his personality type was, he knew he had to make this up to her. And he had to make it up _real_ good.

His body slouching, he slowly dragged himself across the room and into the hallway, calling out for her. "Winry? Where did you go? Look, I'm sorry, okay? I didn't mean to—I swear, I just—" He stopped. Sighing, he knew there was no way someone like Winry was going to take any of that crap as an excuse.

He trudged to the living room and plopped himself onto the couch, reflecting on his actions – like he should be, anyway. He was so caught up in his thoughts that he didn't realize someone was knocking on the door. _Argh, just in time_, Ed thought sarcastically. He knew just who it was.

He opened the door, expecting to see a stupid, pompous old prat and instead came face to face with a tall, squinty-eyed, exotic long haired friend dressed in an exquisitely handsome Amestrian date suit.

"LING?" screeched Ed, falling back in shock. What in the world –

"Hey, Ed! Nice to see you, too. Is Winry ready?"

"YOU'RE going on a date with WINRY?" Ed couldn't believe it. He knew when Ling and Winry first met, that Ling had bothered her by asking her to be his wife, and this he _thought_ she and Ling both had taken as an inside joke between them. He didn't know they were being SERIOUS.

"Uh…yeah," said Ling, rubbing his head, slightly embarrassed.

A few minutes went by as Ed tried to register this information in his head – his (Truth forbid he admit it) friend, Ling, going on a romantic date with his childhood friend (and maybe even more—), Winry.

"Wait. No, just no. This is not happening. What on earth—" He paused again. "No, I refuse."

Ling made a face. "Wha—? But, she and I both agreed to go on a date today!" Ling pouted. Ed almost felt sorry, but he would not stand for it when it came to Winry.

"Well, I, stepping in as her male guardian, protector, whatever you call it – refuse." Ed crossed his arms, looking back at Ling expectantly.

Another pause.

"Well, well, well, if it isn't the old, stalker of a pervert talking to my date," interrupted a feminine voice from behind. Winry, still wearing an expression that clearly read – "If-you-do-something-stupid-again-I'll-kill-you-Ed," had dried out her tears and looked even sexier than ever, what with that naughty dress, that luscious blond hair and classy make-up that highlighted her facial features totally completing the look.

Ed gulped again. "W-well, hey, there Winry. You're looking positively fine this evening, aren't you? Hey, Winry? Hey, Winry? Hahaha…" Ed mentally slapped his hand against his face. He never knew to shut up, did he? He was making the situation even more blatantly awkward.

Winry just looked at him suspiciously and ignored the comment.

"Well, I have nothing else to say to _this idiot_ here," she replied in a slight monotone. "Let's go, Ling!"

Ling smiled and held out his hand. Winry gladly took it and they proceeded to walk out—that is, until Ed interrupted them. "Wait, you can't just leave—! Ling, you owe an explanation! What makes you think that you're the one for Winry—?" His face flushed, Ed sprinted to catch up with them.

"Oh, really, now? So now you, as well as judging my dressing style, are now judging my date, too? I'm sorry, but I cannot take you seriously anymore." Winry laughed harshly, not sounding sorry at all.

"Ugh—Winry, you know that I'm truly sorry about that," said Ed in the most sincere voice that he could manage. And it was true: he had been a stupid, thoughtless idiot for ever judging and telling her off.

Winry ignored him and kept on walking. Was it just Ed, or did Ling seem to look a little bit uncomfortable? Whatever it was, Ed had already made up his mind that he would not allow this to happen.

Ling, regaining his composure, told him matter-of-factly, "Ed, be rational. Why would you think I—who you've been through hell with, now, remember—would ever dare hurt Winry? Why are you getting so upset?"

It was true, as much as Ed would want to shove that idea in the back of his head and never take it out – he was being absurd. He knew Ling wouldn't do anything to Winry. So why was he still feeling the need to prevent them from going on just one simple date? What was this twisting knot in his stomach that told him to intervene in their (however new) _relationship_? Ugh, just that _word_ made him cringe.

"I don't know…" said Ed in a small voice. He looked at the ground and felt his face reddening again. For the first time, he was feeling unsure of himself. "I've always thought of Winry as someone of mine to protect – to never hurt her." Ed did not notice Winry's face soften. "I know I've grown pretty possessive of her, but I can't help myself. It's like something inside of me is telling me to—" Oh, for the love of Truth, he was sounding like one of those cheesy play actors confessing. Wait, confessing? Confessing…

"WAIT! Confess?" He didn't realize he was saying his thoughts out loud…his face turning completely red, his eyes widening all the way, he gazed straight at Winry, who was watching him with an unreadable expression. That boy is _so_ obvious.

"Yes?" prodded Ling. Ed did not notice Ling either – that he was smiling to himself.

"I think…I think…maybe I l-lo—" Oh. My. Freaking. God. How many years does it take for Ed to confess his feelings to Winry? Now, _that_ is the question.

"I love her!" he sputtered.

That did it. Ed almost fainted as he realized that he had totally spoken every bit of his thoughts out loud.

Ling let go of Winry and punched his fist in the air, yelling, "FINALLY! Agh, I never thought it would take you THIS long!"

"Wha…?" Ed looked at Ling questioningly. What in the world was he talking about?

Suddenly, out of nowhere, Al and Pinako propped up from the house and asked, "Is it over? Did he say it?"

"Yup!" affirmed Ling, wearing his normally giddy expression.

"Oh, YES!" Al said, punching his fist in the air too.

"I knew that shrimp would pluck up the courage and finally say it!" said Pinako, puffing her chest as well as the cigar in her hand.

"What—I don't understand—" stammered Ed, looking back and forth at Ling, Al, and Pinako. He didn't even take into account that Pinako had just called him a "shrimp."

"We were setting this whole thing up to make you jealous and finally confess, because believe it or not, the whole freaking world knows about you and your feelings for Winry," explained Al, grinning.

"Wait—you guys—ARGH!" Ed reached up for his hair and shut his eyes, unable to believe it.

"Finally took you long enough, eh?" Winry came into Ed's view, her cheeks tinted pink but nevertheless grinning mischievously.

"You, too?" exclaimed Ed in disbelief. "The whole thing was an act?"

"Oh my god, you're so silly!" Winry giggled. "Yeah, the date thing was an act, of course. I definitely don't have _those_ kinds of feelings for Ling. Honestly, how thick can you get?" She rolled her eyes and thumped him playfully on the back. "However, I was truly angry at you for what you said earlier, but I forgave you after you apologized about twenty million times along with that confession." Laughing, she boldly took his arms and embraced him. "Thanks. I feel the same way," she said softly.

"Y-you're welcome," Ed replied quickly, awkwardly holding her close. He wasn't really sure of what to do next.

"Herp derp. Well, I'm out of this," said Pinako, puffing another whiff of smoke and heading back towards the house. "Al, Ling, you two come along before you see anything that might scar you for life." They nodded fervently and followed her, though Al secretly wanted to see what else would happen between Ed and Winry. Yup, just like Ed said, s_uch_ a gentleman, that boy is.

Winry looked back up expectantly at him. She pulled in even closer, closing any space between them. It was only then Ed realized again what Winry was wearing. Being taller than her, he looked down and saw more than just a modest view of her cleavage, which made his animal instincts come to play again.

"Ed…" said Winry impatiently, motioning him to stop staring at _that_ and up to her face instead.

"Umm—" Winry interrupted whatever he was going to say and forced her lips upon his, fireworks exploding elsewhere for a brief, innocent moment. Winry then opened her mouth slightly and Ed responded back with much enthusiasm that he deepened the kiss. He closed his eyes slowly, relishing every minute. Oh, _oh. _He had never expected a kiss to felt like _this_. And much less, a kiss from _Winry_. Something he had been dreaming of for years, practically, but never coming to terms with it. Her sweet, luscious lips; her flowery-yet-greasy-mechanic smell…it was pure delight. One of his hands followed her waist dangerously downwards to the edge of her skirt, and the other traced her long, soft hair. Winry's hands impulsively reached up to his shirt, longing to get inside. Their bodies were extremely close – too close, in fact. And even someone as thick as Ed realized this.

He let go of her for a moment and asked huskily, "Wanna continue this upstairs?" He had no idea what in the name of Truth possessed him to say something so out of character, but he did. Maybe it was the view of Winry in that naughty little dress. (It was even red, his favorite color.) Oh, yes. Blame it on that dress.

Winry opened her cloudy, slightly unfocused eyes and nodded automatically.

He picked her up bridal style and gave her a little peck on the cheek before moving towards the house upstairs to her room.

Ed would never dare tell Winry, but watching her undress was _so_ worth it.

_Because I could _so_ get used to thi_s, thought Ed with a smug smile.

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